still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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