if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
is it fun? or sober?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
