I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
