how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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