just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
