Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
