On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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