I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
