Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
