dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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