i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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