Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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