I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
