hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Can I color on your dick again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
