Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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