I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
