If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
