If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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