i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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