He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
