You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
