After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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