even my farts smell like vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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