i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
