I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
