she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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