it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
