Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
