even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
