You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
