sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This house was built for laser tag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
