Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
