Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
