Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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