I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
