I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
