We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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