how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
