in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You've changed since you got that strap on
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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