You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
