I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
