Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
