ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
