you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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