We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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