So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
