Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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