i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
