This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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