yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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