Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
