the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
